Archive for the 'Rant' Category


Sookie Revisted – Why I Won’t Touch the Rest of the Southern Vampire Mysteries

When I reviewed Dead Until Dark, I had literally finished reading the book only hours before. I was in a state of mind where I felt like I had just read something Refreshing And Awesome. A few days later, I reverted back to my regular mid-20s self, thought back about the plot, the writing, and the characters, and began to realize how trashy and stupid it really was.

Like, the sex scenes. While reading them, I felt awkward. Looking back, they were just stupid. Muddy sex? Post grandmother-was-murdered sex? Fingering with a hand covered in vampire blood? WHAT THE FUCK.

And I know characters not seeming realistic is like using a coffee pot for making Kool Aid (they are both things you don’t expect – C WAT AH DID THAR?!), but while beginning-of-the-book-Sookie is somewhat endearing and relate-able, her transformation to who she is at the end of the story is the absolute opposite of that. And I hate her brother. I didn’t like him while I was reading it either, but now I just wish he’d get killed by vampires.

This is similar to how I reacted to the Twilight series. I read all four books within a week…for some reason, I just couldn’t stop. They weren’t any good, I just really wanted to know what happened I think. I finished them, thought about everything I’d read, and came to the conclusion it was a pile of crap. And I was right! And like with Twilight, I am curious to see where the story goes, but I think that comes with working in books for so long. (For example, I’ve never read a Stephanie Plum novel, but I went out of my way to search the basic plot if for no other reason than to be in the know of the goings-on of my industry.) Wikipedia will more that satiate my curiosity on this – my to-read list is far too long to waste my time on books I know are going to melt my brain.


Crushing Guilt! Plus Stephenie Meyer.

So, I am a full-time employee as well as a full-time student. As such, I don’t always get the time I wish I had to dedicate to reading books from the dredges of the Earth (and some that aren’t too awful), and I’ve been feeling guilty lately that I’ve been neglected BTB. It isn’t that I’ve run out of excellent candidates (Lord knows that’s not at all possible), I just seem to have run out of time to read. I’m going to make an effort to remedy this in the near future, but I feel compelled to write something until that time comes. So, feel free to read my review of “Twilight” on Goodreads. I mean, let’s face it, this is where the madness really began. I didn’t bother writing anything about the next two books (I can say all there is to say about them by informing you that I read them as quickly as possible just to get to the end), but “Breaking Dawn” was so deliciously awful, I had to say my piece on that one.

I’ll never bother doing a “proper” BTB review of any of these, since it’s been a while since I read them and I don’t care to revisit that time. Also, I have way better things to do with my time than reiterate that Stephenie Meyer is a terrible writer; you can find that anywhere on the internet.

Jeph Jacques has the lulz.
(via Questionable Content)


In Defense of the Written Word

I mentioned in my review of The Vampire Diaries that I had already gotten the next volume out of of the library, and was going to read it before the television show premiered, if for no other reason than to properly hate and critique it. This plan changed after I actually saw some of the trailers and sneak peeks of the show.

The long preview.

Now, I don’t expect book-to-screen adaptions to be perfect, I’m not naive. But this is such an awful bastardization of the literature it’s based off of, I’m surprised LJ Smith herself hasn’t stormed the offices of CW with a machete. I’m not about to explain everything that is wrong with this, but rest assured, it makes the adaption of the third Harry Potter book look like a work of exquisite art. (Although, I’m more than happy to admit I love seeing Ian Somerhalder back on television. Man I love him.)

The Vampire Diaries is far from my favorite book (though of all the things I have read for the purposes of this blog, it’s not that bad). I am not a fan of these books as much as I am a fan of all books, which is why I’ll never find it in my heart to even watch these episodes online.


In The Meantime, I’ll Tell You About A Man Named Dan Brown.

School has been keeping me busy lately, and I have not even started my next book. (I won’t tell you what it is though; suspense!) But I have something else I want to rant about within the literary world. Yesterday, one of the biggest publications since Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was announced. Dan Brown, after about six years or literary seclusion, will have his new book released by Doubleday.

Now, I’ve been in publishing for many years, and consider myself a bit of a snob about the quality of novels. Enough to know that Dan Brown isn’t a very good author at all, but not enough to rant about it to everyone I encounter. However, I have friends who are English majors, communications majors, and library science graduates that DO care enough to go into long winded rants about his crappiness.

True, every cliffhanger is completely obvious. Yes, Robert Langdon is too cocky for his own good. Of course you knew that guy was going to be the villain; Brown sucks too much to try to disguise it any better. Yup, that thing that happened that one time also happened in every other suspense book in the fiction section.

But he’s not all bad. I’m impressed that he got an entire society to think and argue about their beliefs. He brought bits of history into light that no one knew about. (Not that much of the book was true, as it is a FICTION book. (Something people seem to forget.) But I can guarantee that about half of the people who read that had never heard of the Knights Templar.)

But in 2009, the world needs Dan Brown. Print media is a dying industry. Small publishers are going bankrupt. Big publishers are cutting ties with their imprints. Borders hasn’t had shares over a dollar for months. All book retailers and distributors have seen huge declines, and everyone is scared stiff. His novels are complete rubbish, and my brain leaked out my ears when I read The Da Vinci Code. But no one can deny his presence and influence.

I really hate to admit it, but Dan Brown just might save the book industry.