Posts Tagged ‘zombies


Shakespeare Undead

by Lori Handeland

Plot Synopsis: A necromancer is raising people from the dead as zombies in London! Good thing that strapping young lad Will Shakespeare is a centuries-old vampire. Helping him is a young lad that goes out at night to kill them…or is it really a young woman who hates her husband and sneaks out at night dressed as a boy killing zombies, just like her nanny taught her to do? They fall in love and have lots of secks, but he can’t let her know he’s a vampire and necromancer, or she’ll think he’s raising the vampires!






Vampire Lore: 4
I can’t really knock this one. All the classics are in there, and they dispell the garlic and crucifix theories, which I never liked because they don’t make much sense.

Love/Sex/Romance: 2
Oh, there was plenty of it, don’t get me wrong. The attraction stuff was actually alright. It was the sex (and sex and sex) chapter that actually made me laugh out loud. Does anyone know if “pulse” is an actual 16th century term for orgasms? Other favorites include when she “palmed his length” and him going in and out of her like waves on the ocean, or something.

Fights: 4
There was blood! And zombies getting destroyed and turning into dust! And then Will rips off some other vampire’s head!

Entertainment Value: 2
It was interesting at first, and then I got bored, and then the hilarious sex scene, then I got bored, then there was a new vampire, and then Queen Elizabeth kicks his head across the Rose Theatre. So the entertainment value was kind of like the waves of the ocean.

Characters: 2
Sort of boring. And I’m tired of seeing Queen Elizabeth portrayed as such a badass rebel queen. Not that she wasn’t, but it’s getting old.

Writing: 3
The narration kept pretty true to the time period, but all the lines from Shakespeare plays (and elsewhere) got old a lot faster than I would have expected.

Overall, I’d say this is about a 2. It just didn’t hold my interest the way I hoped a book about vampire-Shakespeare fighting vampires would. Also it should be noted that the plot sounded so ridiculous, I assumed it was going to be a satire of the genre. Lori Handeland has actually authored many romance novels and is part of many supernatural romance collections, so not doing a search on Barnes & Noble before opening the book is attributed to my own ignorance. But, if you really enjoy supernatural romance fluff, you’ll probably like this one.


I Kissed a Zombie, and I Liked It

I know what you’re thinking. Yes, I actually read a book, and no, the main character isn’t a vampire. But there are vampires in it, and you’ll see why I love it so much once I explain. Take what you read about the categories with a grain of salt, since I’m sort of combining the lore of vampires AND zombies in this one…you know, if there is such a thing as zombie lore.

by Adam Selzer

Plot Synopsis: In a world where vampires, zombies, and werewolves are well known to exist! The equivalent of Wal-Mart brought dead people back to life to stock shelves, but the vampires that have been living among us for hundred of years outed them with a dead-people-ought-to-stick-together mentality, even though they apparently hate each other. Anyway, Alley loves making fun of everyone, especially the Bella Swans of the world, until she starts getting sucked into a relationship with Doug, who she finds out is a zombie after she starts dating him.






Vampire and Zombie Lore: 4
Definitely not the worst I’ve seen. Not everything is traditional at all, but everything is at least mentioned or explained away, with a few exceptions. That was appreciated. It’s also appreciated that zombies are gross and weren’t attempted to be made sexy or something.

Love/Sex/Romance: 3
This is the best fun I’ve seen poked at teen paranormal romance ever. In chapter ten, Alley researches the process of girls becoming various undead beings, and makes it a point to explain not only what trolls are, but how obviously delusional these girls who are head-over-heels for vampires are. She comes to the realization that other heroines seem to skirt over; killing yourself for a high school love is just an awful, awful idea.

Fights: 5
Nasty zombies wanting brains, at least three times! The last time, a main character dies from it!

Entertainment Value: 3
Once I realized that this book wasn’t what I expected it to be, I loved it. Unfortunately, that wasn’t until around page 120. Admittedly, this is just my own oversight, so this probably isn’t even that fair of a score.

Characters: 4
At first glance, they are nothing special. Until the Alley points out the flaws in the guys she’s dating OMG!!!!!!!!!!1

Writing: 3
Honestly, the writing isn’t bad at all. I think I’m just a bit bitter that I didn’t catch onto the joke until so close to the end, which just makes me feel dumb.

Overall, if you hate everything about Twilight, this is absolutely worth a read. I obtained an advance reader’s copy, courtesy of a coworker, but I believe it was recently released retail. I laughed out loud at the back flap description, which I think is part of what tricked me into thinking this was something else for so long. But, after I did, it was refreshing to read about a female protagonist that can be in love, but still see the flaws in her boyfriend. She convinced people not to be morons and kill themselves for their immortal boyfriends, but experienced patience in doing so – the kind of patience I don’t even have talking to Twilight fans about Edward Cullen. And, her experiences throughout the book make her a BETTER PERSON by the end. I can’t think of the last not-John-Green book I read where that happens.

Also, zombies are gross. And not sparkly and perfect. Thank goodness I didn’t have to read another scene where some girl sexes up a dude just by looking at him; barf.


Honorable Mention: Generation Dead

by Daniel Waters

Plot Synopsis: American teenagers are dying. But they aren’t staying dead. Some random high school somewhere in New England has become known for its excellent reputation toward accommodating “differently biotic” kids. There’s the two Hot Topic goths, the football star who’s in love with one of them, a bunch of dead kids, and the rest of the world that hates them. Drama!!!!

There are two reasons this book won’t get rated like I would normally do. First of all, it’s not about vampires. Secondly, once I got past the cliched characters that I wanted to strangle…this was actually a pretty good book, and I can’t mock it properly.

I mean, I knew I’d hate most of the characters when I read, within the first few pages, that Phoebe, the primary protagonist, had long black hair, wore all black clothes and purple lipstick, and listened to lame goth bands…and Disturbed, one of the worst bands EVER. Her best friend, Margi, was marginally more tolerable, mostly because I liked her big boobs. Then of course, the huge football player, Adam, who’s known Phoebe since grade school and is secretly in love with her, and just learned to control his physical power. This causes problems with his ex-best friend, Pete, who is a big idiot.

I liked the dead kids, because they were something new. I suppose this it what it would have been like if I had read the first teen vampire books when it came out, but the differently biotic (zombie is impolite!) kids were sort of fascinating. I never would have thought what it would have been like to be undead, or live among them.

But what I enjoyed about this book was what was left after all the characters are extracted. It’s a book about prejudice. The people subject to that prejudice are on a quest to show the world they aren’t all that different. The few that befriend the different are outcast. There are sacrifices and casualties. And really, everyone else just makes fun because they’re scared.

It’s like real life, but with more zombies.

The sequel is set to come out next month. While it isn’t particularly high on my priority list, I’ll definitely make it a point to read it.